#Disspatch: Caffe Latte, 8 May 2020

A body-builder-wannabe Boomer walks into Caffe Latte, boasting of his recent travels across Europe and Asia as evidence of his immunity to COVID-19.

Paradoxically, he insists that COVID-19 is a hoax; however, it is at the same time a conspiracy invented by the Democrats to enforce socialism. It is a way of controlling the public, he says.

“Here, wanna shake my hand?” he asks the owner, who recently reopened her restaurant for takeout only. He asks several times. She politely refuses, careful not to damage his fragile bravado.

The man, entirely lacking in self-awareness, reaches across the counter and takes several large pumps of hand sanitizer from the small bottle used by the staff of this small business.

Ever the MAGA Man, he takes several more pumps of hand sanitizer, reaches across the counter again, and urges the owner to shake his hand.

This inspires his friend—a younger, shorter, and dumber variety of imbecile—to do the same. The two make a show of their COVID-19 skepticism by hugging each other (though not long enough to risk looking gay), and continue to complain about socialism, Democrats, China, the WHO, the FBI, and COVID-19, the last of which they agree does not exist.